Arguments

It seems 90% of our relationship is arguing. I mean we never used to argue like this before we got engaged. Its just so frustrating. I know its because of the distance... it is just driving both of us nuts. I just wish there was a word we could say to just stop an argument... cuz they are so stupid. I mean for instance... I am coming home this weekend and will be in Friday evening until Monday morning. Well I really want to get together with my bridesmaids so we can just talk and just spend some time together.... I really want Emmanuel to be there too, but I don't know if he wants to be... so I told him like hey when should I schedule this for... what do you want to do this weekend. Well he gets all upset, like well whenever we go out, you are always so tired when you get home... and that we have been planning on going out to the movies for the past 3 times we have seen eachother and plans always fall through... aka im tired or he doesn't have money, or he can't get his ass in gear so we can get out of the house prior to 11 at night. I mean I know he hates schedules, and I am huge on them, but I hate the fact that he takes his time doing everything. I mean can't we find a compromise!!! I don't know... its just so frustrating. and I think 95% of are arguments involve schedules... and its all because we can't spend every day together, we have such limited time together... that I want to schedule things, so we can maximize our time together, but he just wants to be together. I wish we could find a way to compromise so we don't have to argue about this stupid stuff as much. I honestly just wish (this is selfish) that he would quit school and go to school down here... i know it would mean more money to spend, and more time not having his degree... and I know it would mean less chance of getting custody of his daughter... and that is what this all comes down to. I just guess we have to be tough and get through this time... because if there is one thing I want more then anything it is for my future husband to see and have a relationship with his daughter... and this stupid woman (the baby mama) just keeps her away from him for no reason except to play games with him and in turn hurt his daughter. Ugh, this relationship is so complicated.

And the worst part about this is that I am questioning our relationship because of these arguments. I mean I love him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I want to be the mother of his future children... I want to grow old with him... but these stupid petty arguments, and his communication problems scare me. I know if we were having these arguments in person they would be much easier, and we wouldn't have as many... but it scares me. I am just so sick of being apart. I just need to concentrate on the time we do have together, and what I love about him... its just hard sometimes.